Funny trucker jokes

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Funny trucker jokes

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The officer gets out of his car and comes to talk to the driver. Driver: "Afternoon officer" Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?

Truck driver and couple A truck driver sees a couple making love in the road up ahead. He honks his horn to make them get up out of the way, but they keep at it.

He keeps honking, but they stay there, so he slams on the brakes to keep from hitting them. He stops inches from them, gets out of the cab, and by then they had r A truck driver gets really screwed over by his lawyer during his divorce.

He becomes so sour about it that every time he sees a lawyer on the street while driving his truck, he screams "LAWYER! One day he's driving and he sees a nun with her thumb out asking for a ride, so he pulls over and lets her in.

There was this guy at a bar looking at his drink but not drinking. He stayed like this for half an hour. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver perplexed asks the guy, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a grown ass man cry.

A truck driver, who's been on the road for two months, walks into a brothel He slams a thousand dollar note on the receptionist's table and says "Give a cheese sandwich and one of your ugliest women" The receptionist, quite taken aback, says "Why sir, for that money I could give you a seven course meal and two of our best women" The truck driver says "Look lad A truck drivers wife is standing buck naked staring at herself in the mirror She says to herself "I'm fat and wrinkly, my skin is old and weather worn, my hair is falling out and I just don't feel beautiful anymore" She turns to her husband and says 'Honey, I'm fat and wrinkly, my skin is old and weather worn, my hair is falling out and I just don't feel beautiful any NSFW A truck driver picks up a hitchhiker This truck driver is going down the highway and he sees a hitchhiker on the road.

He stops and asks, "You need a ride? After a couple hours he is getting restless and asks, "Man I'm bored, how do you get If you drive a truck once does that make you a truck driver?

If you fly a airplane once does that make you a pilot? But you suck one cock Three truck drivers at a bar Three truck drivers were sitting at a bar.

The first two were all bandaged up, looking like they'd been in a train wreck. All three were depressed. The first guy says: All this was done to me by my wife, and I deserved it.

After having sex last night, I forgot and left a couple hundred on the A truck driver named Bill is driving down a deserted Arizona highway He thought it was strange that she wasn't standing near a car, but he picks her up anyway.

As they are about to drive away he asks her "what are you doing in the middle of nowhere? A cop pulled a truck driver over who was driving around with a truck full of penguins "You can't keep these penguins in your truck!

The next day the cop pulled the same truck driver over. The truck was still full of penguins. Why do truck drivers love the 1st day of June?

Only four more sleeps 'til Christmas. Truck driver So, a truck driver stops at a diner for a cup of coffee, a piece of pie, and a chat with the waitress one evening.

They park and come inside, looking for some action. A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride.

A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn't run over the lawyer, so he swerved.

But he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he did What do a truck driver and a slightly aroused man have in common?

They both have a semi. A tow truck driver is pulling a lady out of the ditch He says to her "you are the second pregnant lady I've pulled out of the ditch today".

With a bit of confusion she hastily replies "I am not pregnant". He pauses and calmly states "you are not out of the ditch yet".

Truck driver found a genie Genie: I grant you one wish. Genie: Well, that's a governmental issue. Many states and federal agencies involved.

I can't grant you that. Anything else for sure. Driver: How about my wife liking my family. Every time he saw a lawyer walk by the road he would swing over and run them over with his truck.

One day while he was out driving, he saw a priest walk by the side of the road. Thinking it could not hurt to help a servant of god he stopped and asked the pr The truck driver parked his truck and went over to A truck driver had stopped for dinner at a cafe in a small town Some of the regulars there noticed him and began sniffing the air.

A truck driver is heading west across the Arizona desert. He has been driving all night, and as the sun starts to rise, he feels the need to stop and commune with nature.

He pulls to the side of the road, parks, and walks out into the sage brush. As he is standing there, looking around at the beauty of the early morning, he notices a lever sticking out of the ground.

After a few moments, he walks over, walks all the way around, and then reaches out to grasp the le So a truck driver is driving through the country when he sees a penguin in the middle of the road He pulls over and looks around, but can't see anyone.

So he picks up the penguin, puts him in the cab of his truck, and continues on his way. A couple of miles down the road he gets pulled over by a cop.

The cop walks up to the truck and asks, "What are you doing with that penguin in your c Angry truck driver demands a blond to pull over A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde to stand in the circ A blonde cuts off a truck driver on the highway He runs up to the blonde and starts yelling at her.

The truck driver draws a circle on the pavement and tells the blonde stay there. Then, the truck driver starts smashing her windshield.

He looks back at the blonde and she's smi A truck driver carrying 6 penguins got into an accident A car driver stop by and ask if everybody is alright.

The truck driver says to the car driver if he could help and take the 6 penguins to the Zoo for him, while he fixes his truck.

The car driver more than happy to help, takes the 6 penguins and leave. Few days later, the t An Aussie truck driver walks into an outback cafe with a full grown emu.

The waitress asks them for their orders. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. Why can't truck drivers ever fully retire?

Because they can only semi retire. A truck driver stops at a gas station with a penguin in the passenger seat. The owner from the gas station asks where the penguin comes from.

Truck Driver Got in off the road last friday. I said "boy what are doin'? He said, "I' A man and a woman were dating.

She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they slowly drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.

For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit [60 MPH] you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing. An optimist, a pessimist and a realist are standing next to each other.

Still unruffled, the trucker sat there quietly and drank his coffee. This infuriated the gang leader who grabbed the coffee and poured it on the trucker's head.

Calmly the trucker wiped his head and walked to the cashier. Amid jears and insults from the gang the trucker paid his bill and left. When the waitress came to take their order, the gang leader remarked, "Boy, that guy wasn't much of a man was he.

I stole his steak, called his mother a bitch, and even poured coffee on his head. And the whimp, he just walked away.

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, "Gimme three flat tires and a couple of headlights.

He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this! A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a monkey on the dashboard.

After a few miles, he asks the driver what the monkey is for. The driver says "I'll show you," and with that he hits the monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature rolling across the dash.

The monkey goes down between the drivers legs, unzips his pants, pulls out his unit and proceeds to give the trucker oral gratification.

When finished, the monkey pulls out a tissue, cleans the driver up, puts everything back and jumps back up on the dashboard. The man said, "Yeah.

A trucker driving along on the freeway notices a road sign in the distance that reads' Low Bridge Ahead. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police officer arrives at the scene. I got a job as a garbage truck driver. It was quite the spectacle.

How can you tell if your wife is cheating on you with a Swift driver? One time Chuck Norris peed in the radiator of a semi-truck.

We now know that truck as Optimus Prime. A truck carrying antihistamine medicines spilled on the highway.

Strangely enough, there was no congestion. A truck carrying blackberries spilled on the highway. It was quite a traffic jam.

A truck carrying olive oil spilled on the highway. It was a vicious situation. The felon is still at large. A truck transporting biohazards spilled on the highway.

It was a bloodbath. A truck transporting ice cream spilled on the highway. There was some rocky road. A truck carrying tennis gear spilled on the highway.

It made quite the racket. A truck carrying computers rigged as explosives spilled on the highway. They had to call in a minesweeper. A truck carrying cannabis spilled on the highway.

It tripped on a pothole. A truck carrying camping gear spilled on the highway. The truck had jackknifed. A truck carrying money spilled on the highway.

There was a million dollars in damage. A truck carrying expensive watches spilled on the highway. It cost him a lot of time.

Log in. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Funny One Liners. Thread starter EnglishLady Start date Jun 28, EnglishLady Veteran Expediter.

He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner one day to grab some lunch.

He ordered a cheeseburger, a coffee and a slice of apple pie. As I was driving to work this morning, this truck driver swerved right through the traffic, cutting up the other road users before smashing into the back of a car.

An Aussie truck driver is travelling from Melbourne to Perth when he stops to pick up a hitch-hiker by the side of the road. So the hitch-hiker lies down and is soon asleep.

A trucker gets lost one day and as luck would have it he comes to a the low bridge and gets stuck under it. The cars are backed up for miles behind him.

Eventually, a cop car pulls up. The cop gets out and walks around to the truck driver. This one truck driver would often amuse himself by running over lawyers.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch-hiking. Climb in. We now know that truck as Optimus Prime. A truck carrying antihistamine medicines spilled on the highway.

Strangely enough, there was no congestion. A truck carrying blackberries spilled on the highway. It was quite a traffic jam.

A truck carrying olive oil spilled on the highway. It was a vicious situation. The felon is still at large.

A truck transporting biohazards spilled on the highway. It was a bloodbath. A truck transporting ice cream spilled on the highway. There was some rocky road.

A truck carrying tennis gear spilled on the highway. It made quite the racket. A truck carrying computers rigged as explosives spilled on the highway.

They had to call in a minesweeper. A truck carrying cannabis spilled on the highway. It tripped on a pothole. A truck carrying camping gear spilled on the highway.

The truck had jackknifed. A truck carrying money spilled on the highway. There was a million dollars in damage. A truck carrying expensive watches spilled on the highway.

It cost him a lot of time. A truck carrying guns spilled on the highway. Fortunately, nobody was armed in the accident.

A truck carrying construction tools spilled on the highway. The driver had laid the hammer down too hard.

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